What Miley did.

We gave up cable a year ago when we bought our house. It was expensive, we want our kid to grow up with an actual imagination, and besides, Twitter pretty much obviates the need for it. If I want news, I go to Twitter. If I want someone to ruin the new episode of “Breaking Bad” for me, I go to Twitter. Everything that happens on TV lives there (now with commentary!) for better or for worse.  And, so you know how I experienced the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday: a blow-by-blow on social media, with 140-characters of insight from a collection of liberal media’s best and brightest feminist icons, plus a smattering of 90s indie rock heroes and a handful of Wichita Falls rednecks.  Reading about it from these viewpoints was kinda like viewing it through a cracked-out kaleidoscope…that suddenly came into sharp, clear focus when Miley arrived on-scene.

I feel like I can be on a first name basis with Miley now that she’s overtaken every piece of media I’ve consumed for the last three days. Plus I saw her booty. But the truth is, I wouldn’t know “Party in the USA” if it appeared in my living room right now and starting twerking (a term that I just looked up on Urban Dictionary, thank you very much).  I do know that Miley was a teen star with her own TV show, has a famous dad, and is now a pop star and tabloid mainstay. These days, she sports an edgy haircut, parties a lot and is involved in a seemingly tempestuous relationship with some Australian dude.

And, oh, people are upset about what Miley did on Sunday. After everybody freaked out about it, I called it up on 4G yesterday morning to watch it…and I have to say, I don’t get the outrage. I’ve read the outrage…everywhere from Jezebel to  People Magazine to the Washington Post to mommy blogs far and wide. It’s plentiful. But here’s the thing: it’s incredibly, incredibly misguided.

A lot of you think that Miley’s a straight-up slut for performing a sexually provocative dance number. You’re lamenting her fall from Disney princess to stripper pole provocateur, and you are appealing to her dad for an explanation of her behavior. You know what I say to that? This is a 20 year old woman. Most likely, she didn’t make her own decisions during her “Hannah Montana” days. She does now. She chooses to assert her sexuality onstage in an industry that celebrates and commoditizes and rewards celebrating sexuality onstage (see Madonna, Britney Spears, et al). You don’t own her body. Her father doesn’t own her body or her sexuality and HE NEVER DID. To suggest that he did or does is creeptastic. You don’t own your daughter’s body or sexuality, either, and if you think you do, you have a big problem. See this piece for some more insight on that issue. We all pay lip service to being true to ourselves and celebrating individuality. And yet, as Miley’s up there, doing what she do, we’re berating her. Because we can’t handle that this former child star is a sexual being. We can’t handle that our own daughters might grow out of pigtails and One Direction and someday, somehow assert their own sexuality. Ergot, Miley = slut.

Futhermore, while Miley’s a twerking skank, what of Beetlejuice’s erstwhile pedophile cousin? Robin Thicke was an active part of that entire production…and where’s the outrage about a 30-something dude grinding behind a 20-year-old girl? Where’s the Facebook assertions that you tucked your beautiful son into bed tonight and just know he’ll never turn out like that? Why is Miley “nasty” while Robin Thicke is just…Robin Thicke? Why aren’t you all sending Tweets to Alan Thicke right freaking now about his son’s behavior on the VMAs? Oh, right.

A lot of you are angry because your kids were exposed to Miley’s tongue thrusts and undulating buttocks. That does not fly unless you fell into a coma the day after MTV kicked off in 1981 and woke up Sunday night expecting Buggles videos. This should not have been a surprise (see Madonna, Britney Spears, et al), period. End of story. And frankly, I’d much rather engage my kiddo in a discussion about Miley Cyrus than try to explain why someone who beat the snot out of their girlfriend on their way to the VMAs a few years ago is still embraced by that institution and rewarded with nominations.

A lot of you think that Miley is a damaged soul who needs to be rescued. At what point did we, as a society, decide that someone gleefully and energetically dancing onstage is a broken person? She stuck out her tongue and shook her butt, and maybe she’s got problems, but maybe she doesn’t. Blatant expressions of sexuality do not automatically equal some level of victimization; that’s an oversimplification if there ever was one. And if you’re worried about someone with a messed up view of sexuality, let’s consider the lyrical offerings of one Robin Thicke:

"Girl, give it to me
I'll put it all on you,
Girl give it to me"

Or:

"Let me put it on your face for you,
please"

Jesus. They’re not even good. But that’s beside the point. Nobody gave a crap what those dudes were saying, what it actually is that kids are listening to over and over and over, what’s influencing their views about the women they encounter every day. Everyone cared about the dancing pop star. Not enough of you are outraged by the commercial, heavily sexualized but generally lame state of popular music. But, heavens! Miley!

This is the part where I tell you that I don’t give a rat’s about Miley. I don’t listen to her, or to Robin Thicke or to Kendrick Lamar. I don’t read tabloids, except for the old US Weekly at my dentist’s office, and I gave up my Perez Hilton page views five years ago. Twitter puts these things in my face, but I acknowledge them as a part of our messed up culture and move on. I work really hard to make sure that my child can appreciate music without all that spectacle and nonsense, and without the monthly payment to Uverse. I also work hard to make sure that she understands, even at a young age, that we don’t ridicule or objectify women; that we don’t assume she’s a victim of her circumstances just because we aren’t fans of her means of expression; and that we question why anyone else does either of those things. And, finally, I hope to make her understand that our media culture is broken, broken, broken when we’re still up in arms about this:

When we should be up in arms about this: